Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
Randomize
