I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
