I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
Randomize
