do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
