I am puke
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
my sisters under your porch take her home
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Randomize
