Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
