phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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