We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
