Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You are a booty call, not a friend.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
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