i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Come on in and take your pants off
Randomize
