New invention idea: vibrating tampons
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
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