I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
Randomize
