Texts From Last Night

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  (904): View more from Florida

  I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.

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  (904): I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once. http://tfl.nu/u86e
  Replies (71) Good night (12305) Bad night (1140)
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  (715): View more from Wisconsin

  STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up

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  (715): STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up http://tfl.nu/m2d3
  Replies (78) Good night (1270) Bad night (5110)
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  (414): View more from Wisconsin

  no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.

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  (414): no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good. http://tfl.nu/zhbu
  Replies (23) Good night (5851) Bad night (1248)
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  (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.

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  (610): As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet. http://tfl.nu/swmp
  Replies (18) Good night (10134) Bad night (1042)
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  (952): View more from Minnesota

  Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.

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  (952): Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you. http://tfl.nu/1zuw
  Replies (13) Good night (1418) Bad night (4113)
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  (815): View more from Illinois

  i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.

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  (815): i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past. http://tfl.nu/fh9a
  Replies (5) Good night (2027) Bad night (1102)
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  (601): View more from Mississippi

  I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.

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  (601): I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked. http://tfl.nu/gydy
  Replies (7) Good night (1716) Bad night (602)
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  (325): View more from Texas

  It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.

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  (325): It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch. http://tfl.nu/t9k5
  Replies (1) Good night (591) Bad night (1245)
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  (316): View more from Kansas

  You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.

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  (316): You're always so generous when it comes to your dick. http://tfl.nu/6xho
  Replies (3) Good night (1208) Bad night (551)
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  (931): View more from Tennessee

  Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.

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  (931): Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass. http://tfl.nu/ezy8
  Replies (10) Good night (1561) Bad night (590)
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  (443): View more from Maryland

  I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...

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  (443): I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ... http://tfl.nu/71on
  Replies (1) Good night (309) Bad night (595)
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  (906): View more from Michigan

  A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.

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  (906): A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious. http://tfl.nu/r6bp
  Replies (4) Good night (1074) Bad night (372)
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  (410): View more from Maryland

  I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?

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  (410): I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird? http://tfl.nu/lwsg
  Replies (1) Good night (487) Bad night (426)
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  (410): View more from Maryland

  Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?

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  (410): Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ? http://tfl.nu/274k
  Replies (1) Good night (343) Bad night (564)
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  (586): View more from Michigan

  Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.

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  (586): Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much. http://tfl.nu/rkzy
  Replies (1) Good night (354) Bad night (150)

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