Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.