I have demons in me.
I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
29 Petty People Reveal The Shallow Reasons They Turned Someone Down
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.