Don't you send me to vm
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
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