I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
These Dirty People Haven’t Told Their SO About Their Kinky Fetish
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
This is Why People Stop Sex Halfway Through
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.