Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
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My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
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by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.