every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
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