I can feel you judging me through the phone.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
25 People Reveal The Creepiest Kids They Went to School With
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
17 Subtle Body Language Signs That Reveal A Lot About Someone
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.