you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
Randomize
