How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Randomize
