About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
Barsexuality is the new black.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
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