i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
