I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
