We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Randomize
