I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
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