apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
