i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
Randomize
