i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
