Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
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