i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
Randomize
