why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
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Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
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