Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
