Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
He asked to "fluff my boner.."
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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