i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
okay pat passed out under dana's car
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
