um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
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