yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
Letd wlk him
Lrtd walek hime
Lets wlk home,,,ther we go
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Randomize
