Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
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