Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
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