do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize
