All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
Mom said you looked used
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
