My nipple is on Facebook.
yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Randomize
