Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
if only i could text you this smell
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
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You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
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they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
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