i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
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