he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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