At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize