Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
Randomize
