ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
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