hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Randomize
