Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
I had to cum in my sink.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
Randomize
