can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
Less talking, more tequila
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
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