I'm drive I can fine osifer
Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
I am midnight drunk by noon
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
Randomize
