Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Randomize
