That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
