it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
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