when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
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