And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
