if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
Randomize
