Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Randomize
