: south campus drug res life name erik. Love, tran
peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
