Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
Randomize
