I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
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