Pants 0. Shit 1.
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
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