Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
Randomize
