Sorry, I don't speak sober.
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
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