Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
