I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
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