I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Randomize
