The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
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