The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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