kristin has been a bad kristin
She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
