you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Randomize
