Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
