Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
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