im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
