You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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