a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Randomize
