the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
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