i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
Randomize
