Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Randomize
