This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Randomize
