god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
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