you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
I need a burrito and a hug.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
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