so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
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